Tag Archives: focus

Un-lists

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In what has become an annual tradition, I’ve been contemplating my Not New Year’s Resolutions. It started a few years ago with an unlist and it’s morphed into an ongoing … conversation … with myself about what I want to accomplish, what I will accept, and where I will compromise, and what are essentially my deal-breakers.

2011: More or Less List.

Twenty things I want more of. Eleven things I want less of (or not at all).

More* Less*
1. Giggling 1. Drama
2. Naps 2. Conflict
3. Puppy time 3. Uncertainty
4. Sunrises with friends 4. Broken commitments
5. Sunsets with friends 5. Weight of all kinds
6. Motorcycle rides 6. Self-doubt
7. Good books! 7. Dog hair
8. Lazy afternoons 8. Duplication
9. Appreciation 9. Dependence on technology
10. Delight 10. Indecision
11. Snail mail 11. Clutter
12. Patriotism
13. Faith
14. Deeper relationships
15. Swimming
16. Self-confidence
17. Dreams
18. Unscheduled time
19. Organized storage
20. Moments memories are made of

 * In no particular order

 

For some time, I’d been *thinking* about beginning to blog. It just felt like something I should be doing. I pondered a few things. What would I write about? If I did write, would people care enough to read it? If they did read it, how would I handle feedback? Did I have time to write? Why did I feel compelled? One of my alter-egos, the planner, was a little put out the night I stopped *thinking* about it and actually created a blog in late 2011. Really, what would I write about?!? Another alter-ego, my doer, did a little happy dance (complete with pom-poms) excited to be in action.

The tipping point was the moment–in the middle of an *intense* project I should have been completely focused on–I realized I’d been spending way too much time generating work content and not enough generating life content. And so I resolved to reverse this worrying trend. My planner {sighed} and shut up when—reviewing my 20-11 list—I realized I did indeed have enough content. Every-day moments, in all their spontaneous glory.

 

2012: To Count or Not To Count List.
I learned to swim at age 4, competed age 7 through 17, and have stayed fairly well-chlorinated ever since. These 30+ years later, it’s safe to say swimming is my life-long sport of choice. In the middle of a workout in late December 2011, I realized the difference between my workouts then (when I was competing) and then (just before Christmas that year) was counting. When you’re prepping for the next meet, yardage is important. When you’re following the black line on the bottom of the pool to “just stay in shape,” yardage isn’t as important as whether or not you’re hitting your training heart rate. Some days I counted laps, some days I didn’t.
It dawned on me I’m more motivated, and felt better about my workout, on the days I counted. It also occurred to me that my workout strategy (or lack thereof) had become a good analogy for the rest of my life. I’m more motivated and pay better attention when I’m counting. My 2012 list included things I wanted to count (do more of) and things I didn’t want to count (pay *significantly* less attention to).
Count*
Expressing gratitude Acknowledging something I appreciate; saying “please” and “thank you”
Quality time Family dinners; inside jokes & crazy capers that birth legend; puppy kisses
Snail mail Sent … being tangible with family and friends across the miles; and
Received … that isn’t a solicitation or a bill!
Healthy habits Calories burned, miles swum, walks with friends and the 4-leggeds
Accomplishment Finished projects; good books; permission to abandon old stuff
Celebrations High fives and happy dances
Laughter Giggles; chortles; guffaws; snorts!
Moto rides!!! Camping trips and wandering to nowhere particular
Photo ops Family & friends; sunrises, sunsets, ocean, mountains, rivers, valleys; dogs, cats, kids, cows; moments that memories are made of (and legend, too)
Not Count*
The number of times it is “my turn” to talk When a friend has the floor … be still, and listen between the words (it’s what I hope they’d do for me)
When I don’t get my own way In 5 years, will it really be important anyway?
Being right Quarreling takes too much energy, and there never are any real winners
Minor personal inconvenience Especially if it’s while being of service to someone
Unanticipated change in plans Often, the best adventures are unplanned. Definitely don’t count if it’s family/friends changing it up.
How often I’m sent “up over” or “down under” Being the young bendy one in the family means I’m climbing the ladder or crawling under the house to do…something I’d probably rather not. But, it’s precious time and relationship maintenance with my old people I wouldn’t trade for anything. Count under “face-time” and “accomplishment.”
Rainy days It’s Oregon after all. It rains here. But it means fabulous green stuff and gorgeous blooming things.

* Again, in no particular order

#####

I’ve intentionally taken some time this year to review these lists, the process that generated them, and the life in between. Several observations strike me:

  • There is continuity in some of the things I want more of, and to count.
  • I’ve accomplished some pretty major goals the last two years, both personally and professionally.
  • I’ve learned how to make progress on multiple projects at once, and I can meet a deadline like a champ, but I really dislike working at the last minute.
  • I’m there for others when they need me (have pom poms, will travel).
  • I *stink* at keeping appointments with myself.
  • There are still things cycling on my lists I’d like to shed. Put differently, things I want to disown.

To that end, this year’s list seems an appropriate evolution of the previous two.

 

2013: Stop Doing List.

  • Stop comparing myself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.
  • Stop listening to negative voices. They are wrong. If they don’t shut up, and I can’t drown them out, find duct tape (it comes in pretty colors now).
  • Stop worrying so much what others think. At the beginning and end of the day, it’s only me in the mirror.
  • Stop letting other people dictate/change/manipulate my priorities. The things *I* want to accomplish are equally important to everyone else’s.
  • Stop being afraid of being vulnerable. Everyone has their own insecurities.
  • Stop formulating answers until I’m sure I know what the questions are. Look outward, at what lies just beyond the apparent spotlight.
  • Stop looking wistfully at what other people do/have/prize. Just because the grass looks green … Focus on my own goals.
  • Stop canceling appointments with myself. I am an important meeting–of the same worth and value as everything else in my calendar. I am a worthy and valuable resource.
  • Stop procrastinating. Dooooo eeeetttt.

 

To count, or not to count. *That* is the question …

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Last year about this time, I sat contemplating whether or not I was going to set New Years Resolutions. What I ended up with was my 20-11 List: twenty things I wanted more of, and eleven things I wanted less of. A smart list, if I say it myself, and reviewing it throughout the year, one that helped me keep the important things important. 


–>–<–>–<–>–<–
I suppose I’ve always smelled faintly of chlorine. I learned to swim when I was four, and joined the swim team at seven. I swam competitively for 10 years, retiring from racing after high school. And I’ve managed to stay in the pool since. 


The difference between my workouts then and now is counting. When you’re prepping for the next meet, yardage is important. When you’re following the black line on the bottom of the pool to just stay in shape, yardage isn’t as important as whether or not you’re hitting your training heart rate. Some days I count laps, some days I don’t. I find I’m more motivated, and feel better about my workout, on the days I count. There’s a greater sense of accomplishment when I *know* I’ve put in a mile, instead of guesstimating I have done. Apparently, Coach, that training is a hard habit to break!


It dawned on me a couple days before Christmas that my morning workout is a good analogy for the rest of my life. I’m more motivated, and pay better attention when I’m counting. And I definitely don’t pay as much attention to the stuff I don’t count. 
–>–<–>–<–>–<–



So here’s my 2012 List: Things to count. And not to count.

 

Count
Expressing gratitude
–       Acknowledging,
in the moment, when someone does something I appreciate
–       Saying
“please” and “thank you”
Precious face-time with my family and friends
–       Family
dinners
–       Inside
jokes
–       Crazy
capers from which legend is borne
–       Puppy
kisses
–       See
also “celebrations,” “laughter, “gratitude”
Snail mail
–       Sent
… being tangible with family and friends across the miles
–       Received
… that isn’t a solicitation or a bill!
Healthy habits
–       Calories
burned
–       Miles
swum
–       Walks
with friends
–       Walks
with the 4-leggeds
–       See
also “laughter”
–       Mental
health breaks: see also “moto,” “face-time”
Accomplishment
–       Finished
projects
–       Good
books
–       Permission
to abandon old stuff
Celebrations
–       High
fives
–       Happy
dances
–       See
also “face-time”
Laughter
–       Giggles
–       Chortles
–       Guffaws
–       Snorts!
Moto rides!!!
–       Camping
trips
–       Wandering
to nowhere particular
–       See
also “healthy habits”
Photo ops
–       Sunrises,
sunsets
–       Ocean,
mountains, rivers, valleys
–       Dogs,
cats, kids, cows
–       Face-time
with friends
–       Celebrations,
accomplishment
–       Moments
that memories are made of (and legend, too)

 

Not Count
The number of times it is “my turn” to talk
When a friend has the floor … be still, and listen
between the words (it’s what I hope they’d do for me)
When I don’t get my own way
In 5 years, will it really be important anyway?
Being right
Quarreling takes too much energy, and there never
are any real winners
Minor personal inconvenience
Especially if it’s while being of service to someone
Unanticipated change in plans
Often, the best adventures are unplanned. Definitely
don’t count if it’s family/friends changing it up.
How often I’m sent “up over” or “down under”
Being the young bendy one in the family means I’m
climbing the ladder or crawling under the house to do…something I’d probably
rather not. But, it’s precious time and relationship maintenance with my old
people I wouldn’t trade for anything. Count under “face-time” and “accomplishment.”
Rainy days
It’s Oregon after all. It rains here. But it means
fabulous green stuff and gorgeous blooming things.
* In no particular order
** Subject to change as I think of things to add

Rear view to the future

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I participated in a MasterMind group in late 2009; the focus was productivity. At the time, I thought, “Wow. This is good stuff.” Our coach gave us practical strategies, and useful tips. She didn’t try to change our behavior(s), but instead had this way of asking [mostly] gentle questions that challenged our assumptions about why we function the way we do. I learned some things about myself that I already knew, but had forgotten. 

And I learned some things I didn’t know. Now, nearly two years out, I’ve seen my productivity—or more accurately, how I discipline myself—increase. On reflection, I think my biggest take-away was that I gave myself permission to operate in just one “life” and not try to maintain a work life and a private life. It’s all inter-connected.

One of the activities our awesome and fantastic coach (Tara Rodden Robinson) gave us was the VIA Survey at www.authentichappiness.com. The outcome of the survey is a list of your top 25 Character Strengths. Here’s my top 5:


1. Gratitude
You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.2. Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you.

3. Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

4. Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

5. Appreciation of beauty and excellence
You notice and appreciate beauty, excellence, and/or skilled performance in all domains of life, from nature to art to mathematics to science to everyday experience.

I’ve taken it again—to see if anything has shifted in two years—and find my top 5 are consistent.

Sometimes it’s been in fits and starts, but I’ve found ways to incorporate more of each into every day. I’ve made an effort to tell more people more frequently when I appreciate something they do—and celebrate what they bring to my life (Gators to you, Conroy). I’ve grown in my faith; that affects the lens through which I view and interact with life in a positive way. I said “out loud” that I wanted to see more _____ (art, theatre, sunrises, random trips to nowhere), and my friends have obliged by helping me fill my social calendar. I’ve explored more and taken up new hobbies. I’ve laughed more. A lot more. I’ve stacked my “inner sanctum” with brilliant people who are smarter than me—makes me bring my “A” game.The relevance here is that I’ve been spending some quality time working through the strategic planning process at work. This week has been about updating progress on goals from last year as the foundation for setting next year’s goals. Since it’s all one life … it makes sense that I start doing that in the rest of my life, too. So, here’s part of my rear-view on last year(s) as I look forward to the opportunities of next year.


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VIA Survey of Character Strengths
http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/default.aspx 
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