In what has become an annual tradition, I’ve been contemplating my Not New Year’s Resolutions. It started a few years ago with an unlist and it’s morphed into an ongoing … conversation … with myself about what I want to accomplish, what I will accept, and where I will compromise, and what are essentially my deal-breakers.
2011: More or Less List.
Twenty things I want more of. Eleven things I want less of (or not at all).
| More* | Less* |
| 1. Giggling | 1. Drama |
| 2. Naps | 2. Conflict |
| 3. Puppy time | 3. Uncertainty |
| 4. Sunrises with friends | 4. Broken commitments |
| 5. Sunsets with friends | 5. Weight of all kinds |
| 6. Motorcycle rides | 6. Self-doubt |
| 7. Good books! | 7. Dog hair |
| 8. Lazy afternoons | 8. Duplication |
| 9. Appreciation | 9. Dependence on technology |
| 10. Delight | 10. Indecision |
| 11. Snail mail | 11. Clutter |
| 12. Patriotism | |
| 13. Faith | |
| 14. Deeper relationships | |
| 15. Swimming | |
| 16. Self-confidence | |
| 17. Dreams | |
| 18. Unscheduled time | |
| 19. Organized storage | |
| 20. Moments memories are made of |
* In no particular order |
For some time, I’d been *thinking* about beginning to blog. It just felt like something I should be doing. I pondered a few things. What would I write about? If I did write, would people care enough to read it? If they did read it, how would I handle feedback? Did I have time to write? Why did I feel compelled? One of my alter-egos, the planner, was a little put out the night I stopped *thinking* about it and actually created a blog in late 2011. Really, what would I write about?!? Another alter-ego, my doer, did a little happy dance (complete with pom-poms) excited to be in action.
The tipping point was the moment–in the middle of an *intense* project I should have been completely focused on–I realized I’d been spending way too much time generating work content and not enough generating life content. And so I resolved to reverse this worrying trend. My planner {sighed} and shut up when—reviewing my 20-11 list—I realized I did indeed have enough content. Every-day moments, in all their spontaneous glory.
2012: To Count or Not To Count List.
| Count* | |
| Expressing gratitude | Acknowledging something I appreciate; saying “please” and “thank you” |
| Quality time | Family dinners; inside jokes & crazy capers that birth legend; puppy kisses |
| Snail mail | Sent … being tangible with family and friends across the miles; and Received … that isn’t a solicitation or a bill! |
| Healthy habits | Calories burned, miles swum, walks with friends and the 4-leggeds |
| Accomplishment | Finished projects; good books; permission to abandon old stuff |
| Celebrations | High fives and happy dances |
| Laughter | Giggles; chortles; guffaws; snorts! |
| Moto rides!!! | Camping trips and wandering to nowhere particular |
| Photo ops | Family & friends; sunrises, sunsets, ocean, mountains, rivers, valleys; dogs, cats, kids, cows; moments that memories are made of (and legend, too) |
| Not Count* | |
| The number of times it is “my turn” to talk | When a friend has the floor … be still, and listen between the words (it’s what I hope they’d do for me) |
| When I don’t get my own way | In 5 years, will it really be important anyway? |
| Being right | Quarreling takes too much energy, and there never are any real winners |
| Minor personal inconvenience | Especially if it’s while being of service to someone |
| Unanticipated change in plans | Often, the best adventures are unplanned. Definitely don’t count if it’s family/friends changing it up. |
| How often I’m sent “up over” or “down under” | Being the young bendy one in the family means I’m climbing the ladder or crawling under the house to do…something I’d probably rather not. But, it’s precious time and relationship maintenance with my old people I wouldn’t trade for anything. Count under “face-time” and “accomplishment.” |
| Rainy days | It’s Oregon after all. It rains here. But it means fabulous green stuff and gorgeous blooming things. |
* Again, in no particular order
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I’ve intentionally taken some time this year to review these lists, the process that generated them, and the life in between. Several observations strike me:
- There is continuity in some of the things I want more of, and to count.
- I’ve accomplished some pretty major goals the last two years, both personally and professionally.
- I’ve learned how to make progress on multiple projects at once, and I can meet a deadline like a champ, but I really dislike working at the last minute.
- I’m there for others when they need me (have pom poms, will travel).
- I *stink* at keeping appointments with myself.
- There are still things cycling on my lists I’d like to shed. Put differently, things I want to disown.
To that end, this year’s list seems an appropriate evolution of the previous two.
2013: Stop Doing List.
- Stop comparing myself to others. Comparison is the thief of joy.
- Stop listening to negative voices. They are wrong. If they don’t shut up, and I can’t drown them out, find duct tape (it comes in pretty colors now).
- Stop worrying so much what others think. At the beginning and end of the day, it’s only me in the mirror.
- Stop letting other people dictate/change/manipulate my priorities. The things *I* want to accomplish are equally important to everyone else’s.
- Stop being afraid of being vulnerable. Everyone has their own insecurities.
- Stop formulating answers until I’m sure I know what the questions are. Look outward, at what lies just beyond the apparent spotlight.
- Stop looking wistfully at what other people do/have/prize. Just because the grass looks green … Focus on my own goals.
- Stop canceling appointments with myself. I am an important meeting–of the same worth and value as everything else in my calendar. I am a worthy and valuable resource.
- Stop procrastinating. Dooooo eeeetttt.
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